We were supposed to eat some delicious burgers.
In Sri Lanka.
At the Cafe Divine Street restaurant.
This place had so much promise.
The online reviews.
The friendly customer service.
The very unique / cool entrance.
Unfortunately, we did not have good burgers here.
It was one of the shittier burgers that we had in our life. I was quite disappointed with it especially since we walked a hell of a distance to get there.
But Choi, what makes a shitty burger?
Good question. Let me break down the criteria’s for a shitty burger for you right now:
# 1 – Big ass buns that are not crispy
Rule # 1. THE BUN SHOULD NOT BE BIGGER THAN THE BEEF PATTY DAMMIT. That’s just a big no no! If I wanted to fucking over indulge in carbs I would have just ordered a pasta.
No! The bun should be the exact size of the beef patty.
Further. YOU NEED TO TOAST THE DAMN BUN. MAKE IT CRISPY.
Have a look at this burger that we got from Cafe Divine Street:
Big, non crispy buns.
# 2 – Non Juicy Patties
Rule # 2 . YOU BEEF PATTIES GOTTA BE JUICY. IF IT’S NOT JUICY IT’S NOT A GOOD BURGER.
I don’t know how much more clearer I can get on this.
If your patties are shit, then you should go source it elsewhere because this is the fundamental of a kick ass burger.
Eating a dried beef patty is like me getting a stale beer.
And unfortunately the burger that we got here was also dry as fuck:
# 3 – Throwing condiments together without any thoughts
Finally – the worse thing you can do to the burger is to just put onions, tomatoes and lettuce in the burger without any prep.
It’s a science to get the right amount of the side condiments in order to have a good beef burger.
Unfortuantely, Cafe Divine just basically threw one slice of onion and half a tomato into our burger.
Overall this was not a good burger.
But if you are desperate for a burger in Sri Lanka (like we were) then I guess you can give it a try.
Hey at least there is a pretty good “view” in the balcony of the restaurant:
Yeah I was exaggerating.
We were inhaling fumes during our stay there.
So what do you guys think? What makes a shitty burger in your books? let me know!
Written from Toronto, Home on July 12, 2018