RELIVING MY WIFE’S BIRTHING EXPERIENCE

You never tell me your feelings!

Says life boss.

Guys don’t feel much is what I usually say.  And I stand by that.  We have two emotions. Hungry and Tired. Don’t know why that’s so hard to understand. But life boss keeps asking me how I felt about the whole birthing process. She keeps bugging me about it. So FINE. Here is my account of what happened:

• the birthing process was long as fuck. 20+ hours of intense labour. More pain for you of course. But I was also dying because the hospital had two food options. Tim Hortons and me eating my own hand.
• When we finally started pushing there was a lot of blood. I thought it would freak me out but it didn’t
• I was hungry so during the pushing process I ordered Hey Noodles (Spicy one too!). It was delicious. It was like I was watching a gorey movie
• I was working in between pushes (that’s how dedicated I am)
• After baby boss came out I was tired and wanted to sleep
• We were stuck in the hospital for 3 days. Longest days of my fucking life.

That it’s. That’s how i felt during the birthing process. Life boss will read this and then start yelling again in her Australian Accent “why you doooorrr that, that’s nort what I warntttt and mearrnt”.

Ciao.

Written from Toronto, Home on August 30, 2020